I'm gonna revamp a series about a suburban witch
Cute, blonde, and sassy—casts spells with a twitch
She'll hop on a broomstick, and out a window we'll fly
She's gonna give me a thrill, the kind I can't abide

She's been around since Columbus, and worse…
Her Mom's been around since before Richard the First…

Blame it all on Darrin, or Derwood
Magic or mundane, wait—now, it's muggle
Blame it all on Darrin, or Darwin
It seems he's always in deep trouble

I thought I'd find me an actress with a really cute nose
Playing second fiddle to my heroic prose
Now my hair changes colors, my ears belong in a barn
Twitch your nose again and I'll grow a third arm

She could have been frisky with Thomas Payne…
And Grandma was involved with King Charlemagne…

Blame it all on Darrin, or Dagwood
Be it magic or mundane, he gets the worst
Blame it all on Darrin, or Dilbert
Almost seems as if he's cursed

It's like a ride at a carnival with its highs and lows
She may make weird things happen like elongate my nose
It's that old Chinese proverb about interesting times
If everything's going well, it's prob'ly time I should hide…

Blame it all on Darrin
Blame it all on Darrin
Blame it all on Darrin
Blame it all
Blame it all on Darrin
Blame it all
Blame it all on Darrin